Think back on your life…
what are some of the most natural character traits you have possessed since childhood?
Interests, or attributes you never had to work to become or decide to take hold of-
it was just always you
Most likely, these are the points God has most tested in you,
and the enemy has waged strong war against.
For as long as i can remember mine were care & creating.
These were two things I did
not on purpose.
I loved new life and art:
babies, drawing, thinking, colors, placing things in some order.
As a teenager, the enemy attacked these things strongly.
he called them weak and pointless.
he said womanhood was silly.
So in confusion I often fought, and strived to be something else.
to find identity.
to be strong.
I worked to develop the practical and logical in me.
(Which in itself has been beneficial).
However, since confusion was my reason for searching, I became filled with fear and sadness.
In college The Lord brought me through an intentional season of care and identity.
I was able to return in my spirit to the things He placed in me as a child.
He healed me. He said they were not weak or silly.
It’s been so important to me since I was young, to know what it means to be a woman.
and the closer I’ve become with the Lord, to know what it means to be a woman – According to HIM.
and finally to know what it means to be this woman- Michelle-according to Him.
Its been so interesting to see that much of what He shows me comes back to those two things I always was.
but for many years of my life fought so hard against.
care and creativity.
As I move forward in growth. I see my desire for these things intensify.
desire to care for things,- specifically new life- and to create.
to form, and place things, to order, design, clean, and remake.
I never thought much of myself in the workplace.
I became a nurse because my dad suggested it. I can’t say I ever felt specifically called to it.
and I’m rather embarrassed to say, through college I gave my studies about 20% of my energy; because somehow, most days, I never believed I’d actually work as a nurse.
But here I am.
The first year and a half of my nursing career is a story in and of itself. It showed me that even though care and creativity were in me, and I desired quiet and order most naturally,
that God could genuinely take over my nature to carry me through the dirt, grime, pain, addiction, paralysis, poverty, sickness, complete chaos of surroundings. and unwanted leadership positions.
He said you can do this because I can. and now you know Me better.
But I prayed and wondered so much, Lord when can I feel like I’m functioning more within the role of the disposition you gave me and healed in me.
then He allowed me to leave.
Now I take care of newborns.
and I learn about The Lord through them.
and I love them.
I love them so much and every single one is my favorite.
I see them raging with life.
screaming the creativity of our God.
the freshness of His fingertips on their faces.
their squishy heads.
they kill me, they really do.
I’ve seen their life leave them.
with tears and anguish in my heart.
I’ve felt the presence in the room as they take a final breath.
and endlessly ached in my heart over their passing.
and I know to fight for their life is the calling of every believer.
So many of my patients are born at gestational ages that are aborted every day in this country.
and they are real people.
with real personalities, and faces.
they are the handiwork of God.
and of all the things He made.
He said— I love this the most- these humans.
anyways.. I digress.:)
I could probably talk about newborn life and the spirituality surrounding it for an hour.
My main point is that care and creativity are what I feel most comfortable in and drawn to.
the things the enemy most tried to undermine in my life.
and what I’ve had to trust God the most to provide and continue to provide an outlet for their practical use.
I never thought that the way I would do this at the age of 25 would be to work 12 hour shifts in a NICU and Nursery.
but here I am.
I don’t know if this will be the outlet God gives me forever.
or if there will be some seasons I feel He takes every outlet from me.
But just an encouragement.
that those things God put in you to be.
those ways you function most joyfully,
He wants to fulfill in you.
it might not always look how you planned.
But it is right.
And the journey is His plan.